“You must believe in the yes that comes back when you ask “Do you love me?” You must choose this yes even when you do not experience it. You feel overwhelmed by distractions, fantasies, the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure. But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest questions. Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt or shame. All of that makes you dissipate yourself and leave the rock on which your house is built.
You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you can say yes to God’s love even when you do not feel it. Right now you feel nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, “God loves me, and God’s love is enough.” You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure.”
~ Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love
We always have a choice. Always. He has faith in you so have some faith in yourself. God’s love is enough and it is always present. Return to the solid place. Everything else is bonus.